She's yours now. You can do with her what you want.

Wednesday night Traci & I did the most grown-up thing that we've likely ever done. We attended a breastfeeding class. Breastfeeding classes are not for the immature. They include a fair amount of frontal nudity, at least in the presentation materials shown, and a lot of talking about breasts & nipples. It's more than just the "mature content" though that makes breastfeeding class for full-fledged adults only. Children don't have children. (Well, in some cases they do, but they shouldn't.) Adults have children. Parents have children.

I'm finding that my transition to parenthood is a big step towards what I perceive to be "full-fledged adulthood." I haven't lived with my parents in 13 years. It's been nearly 15 years that I've had serious levels of independence. I've bought and sold houses. I've taken jobs & moved. I've married the best girl ever. All of these were decisions that I made. My parents have offered their 2¢ when warranted, but these are all major, adult, life decisions that I've essentially made for myself or with T. Through all of these though, I still felt like my parents' child. If I failed, "Mom" would rub my hand or "Dad" would help me fix it. I suppose they'll still do those things for as long as they can, but now things begin to feel different. Soon I'll be the parent.

It will be our responsibility to make decisions for another person, a person who won't be capable of making her own decisions for a long time. It will be our responsibilities to soothe the hurt, fix the failures, and praise the triumphs. As we turn this corner, begin this new chapter (have your pick of the metaphors), I begin to feel a hint of the weight of parenthood. No doubt that for all it's trials & tribs it'll be among the most rewarding adventures ever, but for now it's unknown & a skosh scary.

During the breastfeeding class, the lactation consultant talked at great lengths about the pro's of breastfeeding, the con's of formula feeding, the ups & downs of using a bottle from time to time, the good & bad of pacifiers, feeding at will, and a host of other controversial, new parent topics. In the end, though, she said, "She's yours now. You can do with her what you want." The lactation consultant is right. We're the parents. We make the rules now. But, but ... I'm used to following the rules, not making them ....